The Wolf in Me
by Entwinedlove
Summary: One-shot, set right after Eclipse's epilogue. Jacob's POV. What Jacob has to do to survive once he's run as far as he can go. A little gory, rated M, just in case.


A/N: Borrowing characters from Meyer, I own the idea, not the character. First published fanfic.

Picks up right after Eclipse's epilogue.

The terrain changed under my feet. I was out of Washington by now, the ground giving way to the rocky piedmont of the mountains. I turned north, following the forest, the trees. I just ran. Ran for days. I was far into Canada by the time I stopped. Ice and snow thickly covered the ground. I was tired and hungry. I didn't want to think, so I sniffed around and found a moss covered log, I buried under it for a few minutes and then curled up and fell asleep.

My dreams took me right back to where I was running from. I didn't want to think of her, Bella. The girl I wanted in my life always. Sam said I hadn't imprinted on her, but I think I had. Why else would she still be on my mind? She was getting _married_. Even in my dream, I could feel the pain in my chest.

I woke up with a start. I heard a whimper and then a growl and for a second I was scared. Scared because I was alone and vulnerable. Then it hit me, the whimper and growl had come from me. I was still a wolf. My stomach grumbled loudly. I hadn't eaten in a few days. I just wanted to starve, but my body protested again. I lay there under the rotting log in the snow. There was nowhere to go to eat. I thought of all the options I had for food, and how each one fell away slowly. I could hunt, but I had no gun, nothing with which to kill. If I did manage to kill something, how would I cook it? What would I use to cut it? If I did look for civilization, I had no clothes if I were to phase back.

Then it clicked. I was a wolf. I didn't need a gun to kill. My stomach retched at the thought. I'd have to eat it raw, with just my jaws. All the blood and gore right in my face. Could I be like the _cold ones_ and hunt for food like that? I didn't know if I had it in me. I was used to working with a pack; could I hunt alone? I had to; there was no other choice.

Resolved to my fate of being like one of _them_, I got up and stretched. Amazingly, my body was only slightly sore. I hadn't run so hard in my life. I focused on my animal instincts. Sound. I heard running water. It must be running fast if it hadn't frozen over the night. I knew my prey would probably stay close to water to drink, right? Even with my newfound instincts, I was still second-guessing myself. Sight. I scanned the ground in front of me, crystallized snow, ice, dead leaves under that, and twigs of all shapes and sizes. The forest floor was literally a sound trap; I hoped the fur between my toes would help my steps as I made my way silently forward, jogging towards the running water. Touch. The air was cold, stiff. Early morning light reached through the trees and lit the world around me slowly. Dawn, a new day, a new way of life. I can do this, I sighed inwardly, lacking the confidence in my new activities. Scent. As I neared the water, I caught the scent of my prey. It was male, just been through recently. Very recent. I scanned the water as it came into view. There he was. Tall, majestic, antlers like a crown on his head. I didn't care what the English word was for this animal; prey would work just as well. I moved slowly around him, from beside him to downwind. Creeping upon him slowly, careful to keep myself as quiet as possible; he slowly put his head down to drink from the edge of the swiftly moving creek. The ice-cold water rushed past his tongue and I could even see the whiskers around his muzzle. He looked up, my direction. Had he heard my breathing?

Before he could sprint, I lunged forward. He took off running. He jumped back and forth, zigzagging through trees as I tried hard to stay on his trail. I was catching up to him, but I didn't want to lose him. I snapped at his hindquarters with my teeth. Missed. Pushed myself harder, I had to do this. Snapped again, a heard a snarl come out of my mouth. Missed. Snapped again. Then I felt it. Hot flesh in my mouth. He slowed but didn't stop. I had bitten a tendon in his hind leg; he lost the ability to use it. I sprinted harder against the ground, I snapped, snarled, bit into the flesh at his neck. Down he went, and I stumbled over us both as the sudden impact of his body and the ground tore meat from bone. I could smell his blood; it was everywhere. I tried not to breath, but I couldn't help it. I ripped more meat from his chest, his legs, his back. Taste. The disgusting fluid of blood filled my mouth as I hungrily carved into the carcass with my teeth. I tried not to think of what parts of it I was eating. I crunched on bone and pulled my head to the side, shredding the flesh from the white bones of his ribs. My nose rooted around through his intestines. The human in me gagged, but the wolfish outside took over; it's as if I finally knew what to do. I used my nose to push the dead and bloody organs away from the meat of its other side, still intact. I rolled it over, and shredded the flesh again. I ravaged the carcass quickly, in almost hysteria. I had killed. It felt different than a hunting trip might; here I was face first into the flesh of a dead creature, reluctantly indulging myself. Did I enjoy it? The taste, the smell, the adrenaline of the chase.

After I had eaten a large portion of my prey, my stomach finally told me I was full. I got up from where I had been crouched over my dinner and looked around. Where could I hide it, to keep it for later? I found a spot a couple hundred yards again, between a few tightly grouped trees. I drug the carcass to the spot and dug into the snow. I pulled the carcass with my jaws, dragging it into the hole I had just created. I moved the snow back over the body. I looked up from my dinner and noticed the trail in the blood covered snow. How was this hiding it? I used my nose to stir up the snow, trying to make the blood color fade a bit. I realized I needed to mark this area as mine, so nothing else could come and steal it away. I went around the perimeter, marking a large area with my fur against the trees and urine. Wouldn't this keep the prey away though? I wished I had someone to ask. I licked my snout, blood; I trotted back towards the creek, and stuck my nose into the freezing water. My body shivered as it felt like I was drowning myself, but I let the water wash away the residue of my kill. I pulled my nose from the creek and shook my head a little. I drank then. Gulping down the icy liquid as it washed away the blood in my mouth and reminded me I was human inside.

The creek made me think of ice-cold lemonade on the porch of my house with Dad. Then I thought of Bella. Every human thought reminded me of her. I sighed inwardly again and walked back to the rotten log I had used as shelter last night. I flopped down and got comfortable. The snow had melted where I had slept and the moss-covered ground was visible underneath me.

I woke with their voices in my head. Leah, Jared, Paul, Sam. I could hear Leah, "Oh that's repulsive Jacob, you're so messed up, why didn't you phase back to eat or something. Gross." I could feel the disgust in her voice. Only half the pack was phased now, patrolling. I could see where they were and hear their voices even at this distance. Paul peppered me with questions. I just ignored him. I tried to ignore them all. _Go away_, I growled inside my head. I heard Sam as he told them to focus on the task. Leah's thoughts strayed again to me, but then she bounded out ahead of the group and tried to focus. I pushed their thoughts from my head as much as possible as I napped. The warmth of the day allowed the snow to melt a little in the patches of sunlight as it shown through the canopy above me. Embry, Quil, Seth. I heard them as the others phased back and they took over the patrol. Embry feeling sorry for me, Seth a little confused as to where I was. Quil telling me what I had hunted was elk. I fell back into a fitful sleep, and their voices were sufficiently quieted in my mind.

Later, the only voice I heard in my head was Sam. I know he wanted me to come home, but he didn't say it. His voice was sad, tense, and worried. I pushed him away. "Just let me die. I'm sure I won't last long out here by myself," I told him.

**Time passe****s.**

My territory grew slowly; I became more efficient at hunting. I had properly defended my space from another pack. They seemed a little afraid of my size. I couldn't understand them well; it's as if they were speaking a different language, more body language than words. It was different to hear the thoughts of an actual wolf. I haven't phased human for a while, the animal instincts stronger the longer I stayed wolf.

I think it's been about four years since I left. I heard the others quite regularly for a while, then they would phase less and less. Except Quil. He was waiting on Claire. I assumed when the whole pack had stop phasing as often that _they_ had changed her, and then left. They had broken the treaty.

Four years, and it was relatively quiet. I was still alone, somewhere in Alberta, Canada I think. I didn't really care. Then I heard Sam one day. "Jacob," he had whispered, "Do you think you can come home now? Billy's sick." My stomach clenched. I had left Dad alone when I had left. I tried now to ignore the tug on my heart. "Jake," Sam came again, "He needs you," and then his voice was gone. He had phased back again. I sighed, do I go home? I missed Dad. I didn't know if I could go back, I didn't know if I had it in me to be human again. To feel the pain again in my chest, my heart. Would it still hurt as bad as it did years ago? I didn't know. However, I did want to see my dad. Worry hit me quickly as I got up and started running south. I didn't know how long it would take to get there. I didn't know how long it took me to get here in the first place.

_Hold on Dad. I'm coming home._


End file.
